


Then, Only Darkness

by CreatingNebulas



Series: Stories From My Subconscious [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood and Injury, Depiction of Children in Danger, Explicit Language, F/M, Family In Danger, Fire, Firefighter, Graphic Depiction of Suicide, Gun Violence, Military, My sleeping brain is a fucked up place, Terrorizing Dreams, This dream tore me up, dream fic, house fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreatingNebulas/pseuds/CreatingNebulas
Summary: I come home to find the house in flames.This is a small peek into what my anxiety dreams consist of.Basically,Nightmares.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Suicide  
> Graphic Descriptions of Gore  
> Blood and Violence  
> Gun Violence  
> Children In Danger  
> Explicit Language
> 
> If anyone feels there should be warnings that are not listed, please let me know in the comments.

I was driving home from work, and it was pretty late. I'm sure Josh and Kobe were already asleep. I turned the corner onto my road and saw smoke above the trees. It's not that unusual to see on a Saturday night. Many people in the neighborhood had bonfires or cookouts on the weekends. I just hoped they were being safe and not getting too drunk. I don't need to respond to a call at my neighbors house tonight. The closer to my house the more nervous I became. That's REALLY close to my house. Could Josh have made a bonfire? Surely he'd have told me if he did.

I checked my phone quickly. No new messages. Someone must have been having a party because there was a lot of pedestrian traffic down my street.  
Fear ripped through my gut as my house came into view.

The bonfire was my HOUSE. Smoke billowed out the windows of the bedrooms.

_They got out. They got out._

I parked my car in the grass and scanned the crowd. So many faces and none of them were my family's.

"Josh!... Kobe!" I screamed and ran through the curious onlookers. I heard a shrill voice calling my name. I whipped around and Cassandra, my neighbor, was yelling at me with tears streaming down her face. She pointed to the house and screamed frantically. Her words didn't register with me. My vision swam and I ran back to my car.

_They didn't get out._

I popped my trunk and threw down my gear. I kicked off my sandals and shoved my feet into my boots, yanked up my pants and grabbed my coat and helmet. I finished dressing as I was entering my front door. Furniture blocked the hallway. I didn't question it, I just shoved it aside. I plowed through a half burnt recliner and reached my sons room. Flames licked at my boots from underneath the door. I swung it open to find his room completely ablaze. This is where the fire started.

"Kobe, where are you? Yell really loud, I'll find you!" I made my way to his bed to find it empty, and my uncovered hands blistered from the flames. I didn't feel a thing. I ran to my bedroom and found the door locked. I banged on the door and shouted for my husband. If there was a reply, I couldn't hear it over the cracking and burning of my home.  
My grandpa's axe from the 1950's hung in a glass case in the hallway. I shoved my elbow through the glass and prayed it was still sharp enough to take down my door.

After three swings I busted through the wooden door to find my husband and son. And someone else.

My husband and son were laying in the middle of the bed, keeping as far away from the flames as possible. My son was wrapped in a thick quilt and held tight to my husbands chest.

The stranger was a Marine clad in his dress blues. He stared blankly at the wall behind my husband.

"Hey, lets go, now!" I yelled at the three.

"Dani wait-" Josh tried to warn me.  
The Marine shoved a revolver in the face of my mask and nodded at my axe.  
I slowly laid it down and held my hands up.

"Listen buddy, whatever's going on here, whatever you want, we can't give it to you if we stay in here."  
The Marine smiled. The shadows the fire cast on his face made him appear green skinned and sickly.

"How much time we got?" Josh asked me calmly.

"A few minutes, tops," I answered him without taking my eye off the man with the gun. He motioned with his gun towards the bed. I followed his instruction and sat next to my husband. He didn't speak, but used his hands to bark orders.

_Take off your helmet.  
Throw it away._

I did as I was told. I held my hands up and slowly unzipped my coat and wrapped it around my son. I felt the raw nerves on my hands brush up against the metal of the zipper and took a few deep breaths. My white tshirt was soot stained and exposed way too much skin. He pointed the gun at us a long minute more as the sun itself kissed my bare skin and sizzled my hands.

My son was in between my husband and I, completely covered, barely enough room to breathe, and the quality of the air deteriorated by the second.

The Marine pulled an imaginary blanket over his eyes and pointed to Josh. Josh followed his example. I noticed the hems of his pants smoking and trying to catch flames. He aimed the gun at me and smiled once more.

"Watch me," he said. I watched, afraid for our lives. We needed to get out of here by now. The Marine turned the gun on himself. Right against his temple and smiled wickedly. Air left my lungs.

"Watch me, Dani," he spoke before he pulled the trigger.

Blood and brain matter splattered against the wall and dresser and his body fell in a heap on the floor. I felt frozen in time.

"He's gone, lets go Dani, now!" Josh screamed. He wrapped himself in a blanket and carried our son towards the bedroom door.

"This way!" I shrieked and used the axe to break the window nearest us. I cleared away enough glass and hoisted my son up, I uncovered his face for a quick second.

"When you hit the ground you run across the street as fast as you can and you don't stop for anything you understand?" He nodded and I dropped him out the window. Four feet my five year old fell. After standing up he ran. I watched him get to safety.

"Alright babe you're up," I held out my hands for him to step in.

"No-"

"Don't fucking argue, who has the fire retardant pants?" I interrupted. I didn't wait for a response. I shoved him towards the window and pushed him head first out of it. He landed on glass with a curse and turned around, red liquid running down his arms.

I pulled myself half way out the window, and the top window pane fell with force, onto my lower back. I felt a sharp jolt of pain run down both legs and cried out. Josh grabbed my arms and pulled. I felt more hands on me and I made it out.

Darkness teased the edges of my vision and every touch of a stranger sent shards of pain up and down my arms. I was burnt. Badly.

Before I passed out, I caught sight of a little boy with big brown eyes, clutching to Cassandra with tear stains on his face.

Then, only darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up.

Sore throat and pounding in my head. I opened my eyes to see that Marine, and his brains flying around my bedroom. The blood splatter. His wicked grin. How he said my name. The blood...

"Woah, woah now, calm down sweetheart, no heart attacks on me alright?... Doc!" Dax was in my face attempting to bring me back to reality.

Dax, my partner. Dax, fire department. Dax was family.

"Dax?" I croaked out. I saw a blur of blue scrubs in the corner of my eye and felt something cold run up my arm. Dax kept my gaze.

"It's alright Dani, just breathe," his low and steady voice lulled me to sleep.

 

I woke up.

Throat sore and dry, but when I opened my eyes, it was just Dax.

"You gave us a scare, Dan," he joked.

"Where's..." my voice cracked and he held water to my lips. I tried to grab at it myself but my hands were four times their normal size with the gauze.  
"Josh and Kobe are okay," he said, "They're here too. Josh had a few stitches in his forearm and Kobe... well he-"

"What?" My voice ripped through my throat and left a trail of raw pain.

"He has third degree burns on his feet. Josh told us what happened. Kobe ran at least twenty yards with burns and shards of glass in his feet. It's gonna take some time to heal," he spoke and I squeezed my eyes shut but a tear escaped. "But he will heal, everything will be okay." He placed his hand on my arm and squeezed.

"He's in the burn unit, pretty heavily sedated. Josh is there with him. I told him not to worry about you, that I had you," Dax said.

"Good, he better not leave that boys side for a second," I whispered. "Can I see him?" I asked. Dax's face fell, he was hurting for us.

"You can't,"

"I'm his mother!" I screeched.

"His mother who is showing signs of infection on her blistered hands, who can't be around him," Dax said.

"Dax Whitfeld, you take me to see him right now," I ordered. He left the room to speak to a nurse and my energy went with him. I was fighting to keep my eyes open when they wheeled me down to the Pediatric Burn Center.

He stopped my bed in the hallway right against the window. Wasting no time he adjusted the head of my bed and pulled me, from under my arms, to a sitting position. Moving so much hurt, but I got to see my little boys face.

He looked so tiny in that bed. His feet were wrapped like my hands, and propped up on pillows. He was wrapped nearly to his knees and his hands had a few bandages as well. He was hooked up to an IV, probably to keep him hydrated. My son hated shots, he called needles 'pokes' and cried every time. Now he has a tube in his arm and his mommy wasn't there to help him through it. Was his Dad?

The room was lit by only a small lamp but I caught a little movement next to Kobe's bed. Josh sat in the chair, pressed up to the bed, and rested his head on his hands, on the bed rail. I could make out the top of his head and see the light reflect off his wedding ring. He stirred and rubbed his eyes. He watched his son and checked the monitors and his IV insertion site. Old habits die hard. Josh worked in this hospital. His patients were usually much smaller in the NICU, but he had worked on the Pediatrics floor as well.

Dax tapped on the window softly with his finger. Josh turned towards the noise and there was his face.

 _Was it his face?_  
Why did it look discolored and sickly?  
Why was he smiling that way? That's not how he smiles. Why does he have a gun?!

I screamed and wailed at The Marine, he was going after my son.

"He's going to kill him, Dax!" I shouted and pointed at the monster on the other side of the glass. "Dax, save him!"  
Dax frowned at me in confusion and opened his mouth to speak.

"Fine!" I screamed and I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and hurried to stand, only to stumble, and have Dax catch me. Nurses came running at all the noise.

"I'll kill him myself," I screamed and made a grab for the door handle into my sons room. The Marine was on the other side, smiling, raising his gun to his head, and through the double paned glass I heard, "Watch me, Dani."

The gunshot rang in my ears and the windows were smeared with blood and thick chunks of him. I pounded and clawed at the door.

"No, no, no, no, Kobe, Kobe!" I yelled as loud as I could and strong arms pulled me away from the door. A sharp pinch in my shoulder.

Then, only darkness.

.

.

.

"...Rowe? Miss Rowe? I'm gonna give you something for the pain, it will make you sleepy. Okay Miss Rowe?"

She had a piercing voice. It scratched inside my head like steel wool. She stood in blue scrubs with a messy blonde bun on top of her head. Her thin fingers worked quickly.

"No," I said hoarsely. A hand tightened slightly on my shoulder. Dax was here. He leaned closer to hear me.  
"No medicine," I repeated with as much force as I could muster. Dax stood quickly and reached a long arm across my bed to the nurses arm.

"She doesn't want any, no."

"Sir, she is going to be in a lot of pain, her meds are wearing off. It will get bad. Trust me," she pleads.

Dax looked at me unsure, but after a small head shake he nodded and turned back to the nurse.

"No pain meds, not yet," he said. The nurse pursed her lips at me, then him, but left my IV alone.

She paused at the door way of my room before leaving, "I will be close by, when you need it, and you will, hit your nurse button and I'll come running back. Okay, sweetie?" She looked at me like a mother to her children when she's about to be proven right. I nodded and she left my room.

I didn't doubt her, the pain was already coming, but I needed lucidity, the brief moment I could have.

"Is he here?" I asked. Dax's brow creased for a moment, his green eyes squinting at me, before he nodded.

"Josh and Kobe are here, it's okay," he replied.

"No not them, the Marine. Did he make it out of the fire?" I asked.

Dax let his forehead show his age in wrinkles, and his third day scruff showed sprinkles of gray. The eyes that would dance with the story of a good time, were sunken and bloodshot, his unusually pale skin highlighting his freckles.

Thirty-five was a little young for grays, some people might say. But the nature of our work, you often get the gray badge early. I was only a few years away from it myself, if I hadn't acquired some over the last few days.

Dax lifted his hat to scratch his head. His hair was greasy and matted. No time for fancy smelling gels and combs in the ICU I suppose. For someone who prided himself on his appearance, he sure looked like shit.

"Dan..." he gently pushed my legs to one side of the bed so he had room to sit, and look me in the eye, with a hand on my shoulder he said,

"No, Dani, he didn't. He's dead."

"Oh."

He nodded and rubbed my shoulder. I could feel my heart beat in each knuckle, in each finger, and the pain increased. I took deep, deliberate breaths. I wasn't finished.

"I want to see my family," I said as I tried to sit up in bed and felt plastic dig into the skin on the inside of my elbows and I winced at the pain.  
I was strapped to the bed.

"Sorry Dan... they had to, you had a bit of an ep-,"

"What is this? No," I yanked on the plastic and sirens went off inside my body, pain trying to direct my attention.

"Get it off. Get it off. Get it off," I chanted and I felt myself slip out of control. "Let me go, let us go, too hot, too hot, get it off," I screamed with what was left of my voice and saw Dax scramble for a remote. He pressed a button and backed away from the bed, covering his mouth with his hand and watching me with wet eyes.

I remembered a flash of blue, as a clear sky in May, and felt the pain dissipate, along with my consciousness.

Then, only darkness.


End file.
